‘I still love him very much, but the passion has gone’, Linda tells me, as she and her partner arrive for a couples’ Tantra session. After 20 years, isn’t this normal? She enquires.
Contrary to popular belier, passion can grow with the age of a relationship. One aspect of passion is polarity – passion is a matter of the heart and of sexual energy, and both must flow within each, and between lovers for passion to flourish. A woman in touch with her feminine flow is able to express her love and devotion, and to receive her partner’s sexual impulses. A man in his masculine flow is in touch with his love for his woman, can receive her love, and express his desire with his body, heart and mind.
Passion is not just about sex, it is also a way of life. Living passionately means being willing to release control, and to feel. To feel your love, your anger, grief and joy. When you put the lid on one feeling, you subdue the rest as well.
“When you can be passionate in your grief” says Margot Anand, one of my teachers, “you can be passionate in sex and in love”.
Below is the exercise that I gave Linda and Chris. Letting go of their ‘civilised’ personalities allowed them, over time, and with guidance, to reconnect with their desires, feelings, express and release hidden conflicts, open their hearts and awaken passion:
Tantric Tip: Awakening Passion
Consider some of the ways in which you may be dampening down your passion. Do you try not to feel or express anger? Are you fearful of wearing your heart on your sleeve, in case you get hurt? Do you hold yourself back, in case you’re ‘too much’? Would you be willing to become more spontaneous?
Step 1: With a partner, take 5 minutes each to share your responses to the questions above. Whilst one partner speaks, the other simply listens. Then take a further 3 minutes each to again answer these questions. You will go deeper this time. Take a further 3 minutes each to share how you might allow more range in your feelings and expression in daily life.
Step 2: In a carpeted room, or on a soft, low bed, kneel on all fours and place your right shoulder in contact with your partner’s right shoulder. Close your eyes, and ask yourself which animal is the bearer of your passion at this moment. Imagine that you have become this animal, as you press your shoulders together, and begin to make animal noises. Allow the inner child in you to play with this imaginative game.
Step 3: Allow yourself to gently push and receive, to explore and play with contact from other parts of your bodies as well – perhaps head to torso, side to side, bottom to bottom etc – all in the spirit of play.
Step 4: Men, say “I want you!” as you continue this game. Women say “I am yours”. Say it repeatedly, even if you don’t feel it or mean it. Play with it, and the different nuances.
Then either lie together and share your experiences, or allow this to develop into further sensual / sexual contact.