Spirit and Destiny Magazine
Beatriz Rocha, 38, and Dario Rumbo, 39, both grew up in Spain, having been born into Latin American families. Dario, a photographer, came to live in England in 1992 and settled in London. The couple first met at a photoshoot in Spain when Beatriz was a part time model. She is now a lawyer.
Our relationship began as a fling in the summer of 1995. Dario would come back to Spain to see his family during the holidays, so the next time I saw him was at Christmas. I found him very attractive, and there was definitely strong chemistry between us. We spent a lot of time talking by phone until I visited him in London in February. We were very much in love, but I couldn’t see a future for myself there-I’m trained in Spanish law, which is completely different from English law. Also, I spoke hardly any English. I found London overwhelming and the pace of life was way too hectic. I would have felt totally lost there.
It was fairly easy to have such a long-distance relationship at the beginning. I just trusted that everything would work itself out in the end. We always had so much fun when we met, usually for about a week every three months, often in different countries and cities. But it became a bit of a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes it was wonderful, but there were times when I wondered if I was wasting my time. I decided to accept it for what it was and enjoy what we had. The one thing I did know was that Dario was the man for me. I was never attracted to anyone else.
But at times it was very hard, only seeing each other every three months, and I got tired of all the goodbyes-it was so sad to leave him. Dario wanted me in London. He told me he could never live in Spain, as he’d established himself professionally as a photographer in the UK.
Within a year I noticed Dario had started to get moody, and sometime he would turn his phone off for a week. I tried to be supportive, but I began to get fed up with focusing on his feelings and needs all the time. I felt there was no support left for me, and I got tired of holding us both. Something had to change.
I remember being in Watkins Book, a famous esoteric bookshop in London, and seeing an advert for Diamond Light Tantra. It’s a healing system that works on your relationship with yourself, your body and your sexual nature. It’s based on traditional practices from tantra, an ancient spiritual path, which emerged in India sometime between 400AD and 300AD, and mainly uses meditation, movement and guided visualization to bring you back in touch with your true nature or spirit.
Dario and I were both curious, so I was angry later when he told me he’d done a Diamond Light Tantra weekend workshop-where you work through exercises with a tutor and a group of strangers-without letting me know. Although I was cross when I found out, this would have been in early 1998, and looking back, I know my English wouldn’t have been good enough to attend.
Dario went to more workshops, and after each one he’d be very stirred up emotionally. He was so up and down I found it scary and confusing, and he’d need time to absorb what he’d experienced before he could explain it. Sometimes I wondered whether I could do something like that. It just seemed so wild.
Dario told me Diamond Light Tantra escalates through different levels of training, bringing the body and spirit closer together each time. After completing level three, he suggested that we live together in Barcelona, and that’s when I could see the changes in him at first hand. Rather than storming out after a row, he would stay and express his feelings clearly.
I was impressed, and decided I would at least try a workshop on holiday in Greece. Although I was hesitant and quite shy to start with, I could feel myself opening up. I’ve since completed the level three workshop with Dario in England. You might do physical work such as dancing or pairing up with someone to stroke their hair, touch fingertips or other exercises that explore physical and emotional intimacy.
The workshops teach you how easy it is to say no. My father was very strict, and as a result I became a good girl-too good, in fact. I always did well at school, and became a people-pleaser. Tantra has helped me feel free to talk about anything. If I feel jealous or angry, I can tell Dario about it, whereas before I was too proud. I used to bottle it all up and just stew.
When a relationship becomes truly intimate, so does the sex. The freedom I have to express myself means I can also express my body with the same freedom. I used to be self-conscious and preoccupied with not looking good enough, but not anymore.
This journey has been very painful at times, but I’m committed to tantra now. It’s as if I’ve discovered a treasure chest inside me and I want to keep unearthing these diamonds. Now we’re getting ready to do the ‘Deep Diving’ series of workshops together-levels four to seven of the training done in a closed group over 12 months. In these workshops you use words, movement, visualisations and partner exercises to find love, joy and awareness and transform yourself. The idea is that you can heal past love or sexual experiences, explore play to return love to intimate relationships and deepen your sexual pleasure and spiritual connectedness. We’re both very excited and happy about it.
I spent 12 years in London, first studying and then working, and loved it. I had a big circle of friends and it was home to me. I never wanted to return to Spain, and spent years in this agonising dilemma about where Beatriz and I should live.
We’d been together for a week and then apart for three months, and this went on for almost four years. At times I found the loneliness unbearable. ‘She’s the one I love’, I’d tell myself, ‘so why isn’t she with me?’ I think both of us were terrified of the next step. I kept asking myself: ‘What on earth is going on? Why is this so painful? Why can’t I have what I really want?’
For me, it became a love-hate relationship. I just couldn’t cope with it and became very needy. I began an intense search for answers, and tantra kept jumping out at me. I was curious about the sexual side-everyone is-but there was far more to it than that. I tried an introductory evening, and immediately felt natural and at home there. It was a place where I could safely let go and work through all my pent-up emotions.
I threw myself into the workshops and found them incredibly powerful. I’d go to one every three months or so, in various retreat centres in the south of England. It would bring up all sorts of emotional pain.
My teenage years had been very troubled. My father was an alcoholic, my mother was very depressed, and they argued constantly. I became an extreme adrenalin junkie, doing all kinds of crazy thrill-seeking things that almost cost me my life-like riding a motorbike at 125mph. with no helmet on, while under the influence of drugs. I tried to channel the aggression I felt into martial arts and boxing, and that’s when my body started tightening up.
In my early twenties I had a mental breakdown and tried to commit suicide. I had psychiatric therapy after that for two years, but it wasn’t until I discovered tantra that I’ve been really able to tame my emotions and understand myself.
As I dealt with my emotions in the workshops, I had amazing physical healing experiences-the tightness and pain that I’d had in my legs, knees and back for years all started easing. I became more flexible and yielding on the inside, and so it seems my body was able to become more pliable. I also began finding it much easier to spend time with my father.
The initial set of workshops were so intensely healing for me, I was dying to move on the next stage. But I realised I really had to be with Beatriz, so I put it all on hold and settled with her in Barcelona five years ago. I thought I may as well put everything I’d learned about relationships into practice. Now we’re doing the Deep Diving set of workshops together.
There were times when I nearly split up with Beatriz as I found the situation too painful and complex. Tantra gave me the courage to face whatever came up, and to see Beatriz as a mirror for my feelings, not the cause of them. She’s been the key to bringing balance into my life.
▪For more information about Diamond Light Tantra, call 0845 388 2231 or visit www.diamondlighttantra.com