If tantric sex is not just to help you achieve multiple orgasms and long-lasting erections then what is it about? Leora Lightwoman explains in plain English the path to blissful sex
“Hands up anyone who is the child of a virgin birth,” I sometimes say at workshops. As far as I know, my parents, your parents, everyone’s parents, at least once, made love. We are the products of that sexual union. Sounds obvious but what we can easily forget is that the essence of our being is intrinsically sexual. Our cells, our bodies, our spirits know about sexual union. So, given that this is the case, we might as well become attuned to the currents of sexual energy flowing within us, and engage with them wisely and joyfully. Tantra is that path.
Tantra is often thought to be a complicated combination of sexual exercises and breathing practices to improve sexual libido enabling men to keep erections for hours and allow women to have multiple orgasms. So, if that is the case, why aren’t we all doing it?
This isn’t an accurate description of tantra. Its more than just a quick fix substitute for Viagra.
Tantra isn’t a panacea for every brand of sexual, spiritual and relational malaise neither is it just a sexual enhancement technique. It may require hours of practice, and yet can become a life-long exploration. Instead of trying to achieve sexual success, tantra reminds us that true fulfilment happens here and now.
It shows us our habitual ways of limiting the pleasure, love and bliss available to us, and so offers the choice to live more ecstatically. Why would anyone want to restrict the flow of sexual energy from infusing the whole of their body and being? Because being fully alive can be scary-it means allowing ourselves to feel. When we feel deeply the exquisite heights of our passion and the totality of our love, we must also risk the pain of their loss. To be able to fully let go into orgasm means being willing to let goof control. Ultimately, it is a spiritual surrender.
However it’s not all about the illustrious goal of transcending duality, if you don’t want it to be. You don’t have to be halfway enlightened, or even terribly fit or supple to begin. Tantrikas come in all shapes, sizes and ages, and practise tantra for many different reasons. Popular incentives range from the desire to re-kindle the passion in a tired marriage, a need to heal past sexual wounds, a longing for a spiritual sexuality, to the desire for more intimacy. And then, for many, the path itself can become the juicey carrot. “Homeplay” of sensual meditations and exercises in self-love and nurturing is far from arduous.
You don’t even need a partner-workshops are for both couples and individuals and there are plenty of meditations that can be enjoyed alone. Neither is a tantra course a dating agency in disguise. Many romances and marriages do spring from tender tantric moments, but many workshops have a “no sex” rule for single people. This continues for some time thereafter, so would-be lovers get a chance to cool off and decide if their interest is really love at first sight or simply their excitement and imagination running wild.
So what do we actually do in a tantra group? Set in an atmosphere of beauty and sensuality, participants remain fully clothed (at least for beginners’ workshops) and always choose appropriate boundaries for themselves. There is space for honet communication about sex. There are opportunities to move your body in ways that help you to connect with your own sensuality, sexuality, love and joy. There is a space for laughter and tears, playfulness and fun, the ordinary and the extraordinary. But essentially, it’s just a matter of remembering what your body, your heart and your soul already know.